30 and Happily Not Married.
The TOPIC of the century!
Being 30, single and childless—what an unorthodox trio, right? And guess what? IT IS MY LIFE. Officially turning 30 last September, has cemented a-lot for me. More than ever, considering marriage has a different taste. I am not saying that I am against it, but the 25 year old me versus the 30 year old me are centuries apart. The 25 year old me was ready to get married at that age. The 30 year old me knows better now and thanks God continuously for not letting marriage happen yet. Keyword: yet.
Love
"What love got to do with it?" Come on Tina! No, but seriously. Dating in the 21st century it is like fishing in a cesspool. They say there are "plenty" fish in the sea, but what happens when none really wants to take a bite of your bait? My love life can be compared to tumbleweed grazing the sandy surface of the desert—alway dry and being pulled to and fro with no definitive destination! Ahah!
To be frank, in my adult life, the actuality of feeling FULLY safe and secured with whomever wanted to be with me, just never really presented itself. The peace of knowing that it is well to be with "you," just really ain't happen for me. I am definitely not afraid of love, I just do not want to fail at it with the right person. (Yes, you read that correctly.)
Marriage
Which brings me to marriage. More than anything, I desire companionship, presence and comfort. Yes, sex will be amazing, "so they say," but it is the ultimate emotional and spiritual connection for me. Sharing that level of intensity is what I truly desire. It is "you" knowing the vital place "you" play for me. It is "you" knowing that "you" are my choice, and I choose to go through the rest of my life with "you." It is me wanting "you" beside me, taking "your" last name, bearing "your " children, but most importantly serving this union until "death do us part."
Marriage is more than just a title for me or a "piece of paper." Marriage is a sacred act. To be frank, it only as of late, that God has been truly expanding my mind towards marriage and the great weight it carries. Relationships are hard. They take work. Vulnerability. Humility. Trust. Furthermore, a marriage is on a whole other level. Please do not think that I am fearful of getting married. It is just unlike others (many) I have taken the time out to REALLY see why I am yet married (healing, growth, maturity, timing etc.) and to be grateful of the process. God is so good! I do desire marriage, but I would also be okay (this takes time) if I never get marriage (remaining single for the rest of my life) as well. At this point in my journey, I just want to really be where God needs me to be.
Babies?
Fun fact! I actually want two boys. I just feel like God would bless me with two boys. I told my mom this the other day, and she said I was not a good person because I did not say I wanted a daughter. Whoa. They way I chuckled and collected my mouth off the ground at the same time. I love that woman. Any who! Yes, two boys! My desire if I were to get married, would be to "enjoy" my husband for a while. I REALLY want to take the opportunity out to indulge in that season of rabbit action lust (chuckles), obsession, fantasy etc, you know like the movies, without our little rascals yet running around. But to be honest, if I were to get knocked up early (less than 6 months or the honeymoon night), I would be okay. Understanding that my body is now one with my husband, that having sex leads to babies and what I am serving on the menu is truly irresistible and will get him caught up—how could I blame him? Ahah!
Aging
I could not leave this post without addressing the elephant in the room: AGE. Science says when we turn 30, our bodies starts to break down. Also, according to science, my fertility clock has five more years before it becomes "high risk." Blah. Blah. Blah. Listen, I am placing my faith in Jesus. If the Lord is causing me to wait until a particular time to get married and have children, then I am sure ALL WILL BE BLESSED. I cannot help but to think of Abraham and Sarah. She was
90 years old when she gave birth to Issac. You are probably saying "Well your name is not Sarah...." Yeah, BUT we both believe in the same God! The same God that blessed Sarah's womb and gave her a perfectly, thriving baby at 90, AT HIS APPOINTED time, can do the same for me when He is ready! My job is to remain prayerful and faithful to the Word of God. Everything will work itself out. Everything.
All in all, I am not stressing myself out. Congrats to all the newly engaged, wed and parents out there! My season is my story, on God's time. There is no comparing. No life should be deemed more "valuable" over the other due to status, title and position. Jesus died for all of us, so that we could have life. A life to live and to do so abundantly.
Until next time Peeps!
-Rashell Selah
*Source of both fishing and pregnancy photos are Google.com.